To Be Or Not To Be Strict?

In these transitional years of your son's life, it is difficult to navigate strictness as a parent. On one hand, you want to keep your son in line, being an example of how to be a serious Roman citizen so that he too someday can be taken seriously. But on the other hand, you want to form a relationship with your child, and bonds are often built through humor and playfulness. So where do we draw the line?

This makes me think of the well known play Adelphi by Terence. As fellow Roman citizens, I assume you're familiar with the play, but if not, I'll give you the rundown. The play consists of two brothers who raise their sons in very different styles. Demea is the strict father, and Micio is the more relaxed parental figure. Through the different personalities and struggles of their two sons, the play reveals how both of these parenting styles have dangers; strictness can cause children to be overly fearful, secretive, and lack trust, while indulgent parenting can lead to entitlement, a lack of boundaries, and impulsiveness in the child. This is what leads me to believe that it's importnant to have a balance, giving your children warmth and a certain level of freedom, but also structure and accountability for their actions.

Our Roman society places heavy emphasis on pater familias-- the father is the head of the household, and he has absolute authority over the family. Cornelius is certainly the leader of our home, and our children recognize his authority, but they also have a good relationship with him, understanding that his authority comes from a place of love. In raising Felix and Lucia, Cornelius and I agreed on certain standards that they must exhibit as members of our family. Both children were informed of their household duties and how they ought to be respectful and morally grounded, and if they failed to uphold these standards, they would face consequences. But we also actively worked to invest in our relationships with the children, playing with them and engaging in humorous converstaions. Many other wealthy Romans choose to be more distant from their children, letting the nurses and slaves do most of the work of raising them while they remain a serious, distant presence in their lives. But I believe that incorporating elements of playfulness and jesting into your parenting can be beneficial for your child, as long as it is done in moderation and out of good character. When structure and warmth can coexist, that is where Roman children thrive.

vale, et animum sume,

Octavia