Lucia's Wedding Day

On the night before her wedding day, Lucia took of her lunula which she had worn since infancy, and she dedicated it to the gods. This symbolized how she was officially leaving childhood as she entered into marriage and she no longer needed the protection of her amulet because she was about to have the protection of her husband. Then we went through our house and threw away all of her old childhood toys and clothes, which was sentimental for both of us. Seeing her get rid of her small tunics and her favorite childhood dolls made the impending marriage ceremony seem more real to both of us. The following morning, I helped her put on her beautiful, floor-length white dress and the belt with the Knot of Hercules, which was only to be untied by Marcus. With the help of a few of our slaves, I did Lucia's hair, separating it into six locks to make the ceremonial iron spearhead hairstyle of the bride, covering it in a red veil known as a flammeum. Then Marcus's family and several guests, including friends and some of Cornelius's business partners, gathered in our house for the ceremony. I had been cleaning the house for several days leading up to the marriage because I wanted it to be perfect for Lucia, and we also needed to make a good impression on Marcus's family and the other potential business partners that were attending the wedding. After the ceremony itself, we made the procession to Marcus's house, symbolizing the transfer of pater familias from Cornelius to Marcus. Physically walking Lucia away from our home and to the home of another, watching this young man carry our daughter over the threshold, and then having to go back home without her was terribly emotional for me, and it will undoubtedly be for you as well. Though it is a difficult transition, comfort yourself with the fact that you've fulfilled your duty as the parent of a daughter. Congratulations! You've raised another Roman!

vale, et animum sume,

Octavia

Preparation for Marriage

And here it is, the culmination of your efforts in raising a daughter: her marriage. When Lucia was fifteen years old, Cornelius met a man who he believed to be a potential business partner in his business as a merchant. This man's name was Marcus. He was sharply intelligent and very handsome. He was thirty years old and unmarried, so we figured he would be a perfect match for Lucia, and their marriage could solidify Cornelius's business partnership. Lucia and Marcus met for the first time to sign the betrothal papers and sort out the logistics of their wedding, as well as to exchange gifts and agree on the dowry. I helped Lucia put on her finest tunic and fashion her hair beautifully that morning-- one of the last times I would help her get ready before giving her away.

As a parent, when you're helping your daughter find potential suitors, make sure to consider the economic, political, or familial advantages of marriage at the utmost level of importance. But beyond strategic advantage, be sure to asses the suitor's character. He will be the one taking care of your daughter, so it's important for him to be a decent Roman who will bring honor to your family. Many married couples in our society have an even wider age gap or have little overlapping interests, but Lucia got extremely lucky. Marcus turned out to be a husband who she actually enjoyed spending time with, and he was kind enough to value her intelligence and opinions, even though he maintained his authority as pater familias. A word of advice: as a mother, this is an emotional and exciting time. Enjoy every moment you have with your daughter. The days between betrothal and marriage fly by, and though they might be chaotic and filled with planning her future life, soak it in. You're going to miss these moments someday.

vale, et animum sume,

Octavia

A Girl's Early Education

Our family has been blessed by the gods with enough wealth to fund a good education for both of our children. Many families solely prioritize their sons' education to prepare him well for his future career, which we also did with our son Felix. But a girl's education in Rome gets controversial. Many people believe that a girl should only learn basic household and mothering skills, or an introductory level of literacy to be a more interesting companion for her husband. But Cornelius and I believe that education is priceless, and as a well-educated woman myself, I wanted my own daughter to have a similar opportunity. When Lucia turned eight, we had the paedagogus Alexander stay at our home and provide Lucia with an education in basic literacy and arithmetic. This was the same well-educated slave who had taught Felix a few years prior. Lucia's lessons were generally shorter than Felix's had been though, so I would use the remaining time in our day to teach her necessary skills as a young Roman woman. I had taught her most of the basics of sewing and and proper etiquette when she was younger, so when she entered into her early education, I moved onto topics like cleanliness, personal appearance, and Roman virtues. As a woman, we have to make sure our external appearance is a symbol of our family's status, so learning how to weave our hair into certain styles and dress ourselves modestly and in the right fashion is imperative.

Lucia continued her at-home education with Alexander until she was 13, at which age she continued her personal studies through reading poems and philosophical texts, as well as taking interest in what Felix was learning in classes with his rhetor. Felix was happy to share his findings with Lucia and engage in intellectual conversations with her. Growing up, Felix and Lucia were quite close, especially compared to other brother-sister sibling dynamics in our society. I believe that this is largely attributed to Lucia's education; it empowered her to take part in these intellectual conversations and have a frame of reference for current events and politics, which are Felix's primary interests.

For so many reasons, I believe investing in an education for your daughter is crucial. She may not live to be a politician or philosopher, and her job as a homemaker doesn't require a formal education, but education will allow her to be an even more interesting companion for her future husband and a sister who can better support her brother's career in politics. I understand that my opinion on this is controversial, but all I ask is that you hear me out. It could very well be worth it for your daughter.

vale, et animum sume,

Octavia