Preparation for Marriage

And here it is, the culmination of your efforts in raising a daughter: her marriage. When Lucia was fifteen years old, Cornelius met a man who he believed to be a potential business partner in his business as a merchant. This man's name was Marcus. He was sharply intelligent and very handsome. He was thirty years old and unmarried, so we figured he would be a perfect match for Lucia, and their marriage could solidify Cornelius's business partnership. Lucia and Marcus met for the first time to sign the betrothal papers and sort out the logistics of their wedding, as well as to exchange gifts and agree on the dowry. I helped Lucia put on her finest tunic and fashion her hair beautifully that morning-- one of the last times I would help her get ready before giving her away.

As a parent, when you're helping your daughter find potential suitors, make sure to consider the economic, political, or familial advantages of marriage at the utmost level of importance. But beyond strategic advantage, be sure to asses the suitor's character. He will be the one taking care of your daughter, so it's important for him to be a decent Roman who will bring honor to your family. Many married couples in our society have an even wider age gap or have little overlapping interests, but Lucia got extremely lucky. Marcus turned out to be a husband who she actually enjoyed spending time with, and he was kind enough to value her intelligence and opinions, even though he maintained his authority as pater familias. A word of advice: as a mother, this is an emotional and exciting time. Enjoy every moment you have with your daughter. The days between betrothal and marriage fly by, and though they might be chaotic and filled with planning her future life, soak it in. You're going to miss these moments someday.

vale, et animum sume,

Octavia